Did you see me?

I mean really see me? Was I even human to you?

Don't feel pressured, heaven forbid I wouldn't want you to have to look into your dark soul for the answer. 

I wonder how its humanly possible for someone to break someone else into so many pieces and still feel nothing. 

You found me all weak and helpless like an injured animal. You picked me up and tore my limbs off and  beat me senseless. 

I felt nothing but empty space,I was floating above us looking down. 

But still you didn't have an ounce of remorse. Even after you just left my body crying out in pain. 

I'm still wondering if it was me.....if not...did she survive?

Long time no see

So turns out I haven't blogged in what seems like years...oh wait it has been.

My life took unexpected turns and I basically shut myself off trying to deal with things.

I've grown so much as a person that its hard to describe. I feel like emotionally I've far surpassed many people I know. It sounds like I'm being condescending but I'm not. It's funny how people who think they know you actually know NOTHING about you or what you've been through.

I know what I've been through and I know for a fact that your average person wouldn't even know what it's like to understand those things let alone live with them.

Sometimes I see myself and wonder how I managed to stay alive both physically & mentally. But turns out I am a strong woman and I won't let these things beat me.

Dark shadows

Sometimes they creep up on me and other times I'm struggling to even remember them.
I go on for so long without them that I feel normal again. Then bam there within me. I can't escape them. They trap me, stab me and leave me for dead.
I wish so much to cave in to them.allow them to take over me. But I know they will pass soon and then I'll be back to forgetting how they felt. Only theres a scar left behind. To remind me.

Feeling crap

Ever feel completely alone in the world yet be surrounded by people?
I feel like running until I can't run anymore. Disappearing vanishing. Wishing that people knew the right thing to say to soothe my pain.It's funny how I feel alone yet all I want to do is be alone.
Sorry for the dark post but this is just something I need to let out.

It's been a while....

Well it's been so long since my last post!!

Life has been pretty hectic but overall good.
Things have been looking up in the last few months and a few long term goals have been reached....quite an achievement really as it's not often you get to achieve a big goal too many times in life.

So here's to staying strong oh and there's this new thing I'm trying..... I'm slowly learning to say no to extra things- they just end up stressing me out.
I kinda say yes to things before thinking them through and then being a total stress head! So that's my new goal.... Learn to say no!

Til next time peeps :)

worry wart

well i really am a worry wart!!! i get so uptight about what people might think about something that i have said.
I used to be worse actually :/

Now i don't bother with the text message or phone call saying:"oh i hope i didn't offend you". because half the time they didn't even remember what it was that i said. the whole time I'm thinking oh no there gonna think I'm being judgemental or that i said something that sounded like i was being mean or harsh.

Its not that i don't care now its just that i realise that if i actually did say something that was going to upset them that they would tell me or i would end up finding out.
I have this motto now that if i say something that can be taken two ways, and one way upsets you, i meant the other way!! i am seriously not the malicious or mean type. in fact i love people and i really cant handle confrontation at all.I do everything i can to be a likeable person, i guess that's why i always worry if i upset someone. but you know you cant please everyone and there is always going to be someone that you wont see eye to eye with.

Anyway thats my little thing to say so speak soon people :)

wow i have followers!!

well thank you everyone for being my follower!! i was so stoked when i saw that i had not just one but 8!!!
I cannot guarantee that what comes out of my mouth onto this blog will be positive or even anything worth reading but I'm going to try my best to just keep going.
Its been a huge step just writing things down, but now that i have people who may actually read my blog i feel like i may just write a bit more. (no guarantee's though!)

thanks everyone and take care :)