I look back at myself when i was a teen and think about how much i truly hated myself and i really had no need to as i looked good......hell id do anything to look the way i did back then.
i had zero confidence and used to constantly go around covering myself. all year round i would wear a jacket and would never be seen wearing just a top and jeans like a normal teen id always have my security blanket- AKA my poncho or cardi or jacket. I had not been seen in less by anyone. Yet i see pictures of myself and see that i was thin and had seriously nothing to worry about.
Yet I felt like a fat person and every comment people would make about anything to do with weight or how i looked i would just go and cry and feel even worse about myself.
Now i just wished that i had gotten over that and enjoyed my life.
So now i am overweight and still hate myself, its just that now i don't hide away under jackets...well not all the time.
I still find it extremely difficult to go out in public without a jacket or something to hide myself with. now i really do have a reason to hide myself.....because iam ugly and fat.
which brings me to the conversation i had with my other half tonight......
I feel like this is never going to change. i have such strong feelings about how much i hate how i look and have tried gyms,diets,personal trainers, not eating to the point of being sick.....and still cant get anywhere.I give up on everything.
Im thinking on getting surgery maybe, will see.
anyway i will stop my ranting and raving now.
until next time :)
i had zero confidence and used to constantly go around covering myself. all year round i would wear a jacket and would never be seen wearing just a top and jeans like a normal teen id always have my security blanket- AKA my poncho or cardi or jacket. I had not been seen in less by anyone. Yet i see pictures of myself and see that i was thin and had seriously nothing to worry about.
Yet I felt like a fat person and every comment people would make about anything to do with weight or how i looked i would just go and cry and feel even worse about myself.
Now i just wished that i had gotten over that and enjoyed my life.
So now i am overweight and still hate myself, its just that now i don't hide away under jackets...well not all the time.
I still find it extremely difficult to go out in public without a jacket or something to hide myself with. now i really do have a reason to hide myself.....because iam ugly and fat.
which brings me to the conversation i had with my other half tonight......
I feel like this is never going to change. i have such strong feelings about how much i hate how i look and have tried gyms,diets,personal trainers, not eating to the point of being sick.....and still cant get anywhere.I give up on everything.
Im thinking on getting surgery maybe, will see.
anyway i will stop my ranting and raving now.
until next time :)
