I look back at myself when i was a teen and think about how much i truly hated myself and i really had no need to as i looked good......hell id do anything to look the way i did back then.
i had zero confidence and used to constantly go around covering myself. all year round i would wear a jacket and would never be seen wearing just a top and jeans like a normal teen id always have my security blanket- AKA my poncho or cardi or jacket. I had not been seen in less by anyone. Yet i see pictures of myself and see that i was thin and had seriously nothing to worry about.
Yet I felt like a fat person and every comment people would make about anything to do with weight or how i looked i would just go and cry and feel even worse about myself.
Now i just wished that i had gotten over that and enjoyed my life.
So now i am overweight and still hate myself, its just that now i don't hide away under jackets...well not all the time.
I still find it extremely difficult to go out in public without a jacket or something to hide myself with. now i really do have a reason to hide myself.....because iam ugly and fat.
which brings me to the conversation i had with my other half tonight......
I feel like this is never going to change. i have such strong feelings about how much i hate how i look and have tried gyms,diets,personal trainers, not eating to the point of being sick.....and still cant get anywhere.I give up on everything.
Im thinking on getting surgery maybe, will see.
anyway i will stop my ranting and raving now.
until next time :)
i had zero confidence and used to constantly go around covering myself. all year round i would wear a jacket and would never be seen wearing just a top and jeans like a normal teen id always have my security blanket- AKA my poncho or cardi or jacket. I had not been seen in less by anyone. Yet i see pictures of myself and see that i was thin and had seriously nothing to worry about.
Yet I felt like a fat person and every comment people would make about anything to do with weight or how i looked i would just go and cry and feel even worse about myself.
Now i just wished that i had gotten over that and enjoyed my life.
So now i am overweight and still hate myself, its just that now i don't hide away under jackets...well not all the time.
I still find it extremely difficult to go out in public without a jacket or something to hide myself with. now i really do have a reason to hide myself.....because iam ugly and fat.
which brings me to the conversation i had with my other half tonight......
I feel like this is never going to change. i have such strong feelings about how much i hate how i look and have tried gyms,diets,personal trainers, not eating to the point of being sick.....and still cant get anywhere.I give up on everything.
Im thinking on getting surgery maybe, will see.
anyway i will stop my ranting and raving now.
until next time :)
I see teenagers or other people who think they're fat and I wanna shake them and say 'I would give ANYTHING to be your size, ENJOY IT!' But that only makes me more frustrated, and doesn't change their outlook. So I just walk around like I'm a size 16 anyway, and don't look in the mirror ;)
ReplyDeleteBe kind to yourself. Speak to the professionals (GP & therapist or similar) and make an informed choice. Don't make this decision in reaction to something.
ReplyDeleteI was sent by BMI and I'm glad she did. I look forward to supporting each other in this process of a health and HAPPY life!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yUTJQIBI1oA
ReplyDeleteWatch that video for a bit of a new perspective.
Seriously, I'm overweight, I've been overweight my whole life, ranging from just overweight to morbidly obese..
and I can tell you, I am so happy right now.. Because I decided to. I am the same person no matter my size, I can experience life if I choose to. I really don't want to be worried about every single thing that enters my mouth and be paranoid about what everyone else is saying. I am me, and I like who I am!
It's more about making a choice on how you see the world. Because while you're sitting there worrying about the worlds perception of you, you are missing out on life!! Lose weight, but don't stop your life while you wait to get to your perfect size. Stop hiding, start living, and the weight will come off because you love yourself.
you are more than numbers on a weighing machine.
ReplyDeleteone thing i have learnt is how YOU see yourself, is how others will as well.
you may be overweight but i doubt you are ugly. i personally despise the word "fat", it's horrible and so derogatory. overweight people know that they are overweight, it comes as no big surprise to them, so why feel the need to use such a horrible word to "label" them?
you know you are overweight - i am too, so lets do something about it - you can do ANYTHING, as long as you have support.
~x~
OH MY GOODNESS!!!! I nearly fell over when I saw that I have 8 yes 8 followers! I seriously don't know how to thank you guys enough! Wow in shock here! Well I'm off home now to blog (hopefully). So will comment on my comments then. Thanks all you lovely ladies :)
ReplyDeleteMiss Ruby- thank you so much for that, i also think that that F word is horrible. i was in such a bad headspace that day that i really hated the way i looked so sorry about the rant i had.
ReplyDelete